Overview[]
The Standing Committee on Public Safety undertook a study to address a mysterious series of poutine heists across the country. Assets suggested that the thefts were a result of a cult run by Peter Mansbridge, who was suspected to have a more sinister plan.
Background[]
The following is taken from the (formerly classified) briefing on the issue that was provided to Committee members.
"The poutine industry has always been a cornerstone of not only Canada’s economy but also its national identity. Poutine sales across the country generate approximately 600 billion dollars a year, almost a third of Canada’s GDP, and from gravy farmers to restaurants, the industry directly or indirectly employs almost 8 million Canadian citizens. For more than 300 years now, poutine has been at the core of what makes Canada what it is.
Now however, for the first time, the poutine industry is threatened. For the last several months, police across Canada have been baffled by a series of poutine robberies. In every province, from British Columbia to Quebec to Nova Scotia, poutine factories have been robbed on a tremendous scale. The first heist occurred on August 22nd, 2016, and since then approximately 850,000 litres of poutine have been stolen over the course of 19 robberies.
Police have been baffled by these crimes, with no leads as to the motive or method behind these crimes. The only thing the police have been able to determine is that the crimes have all appeared to be inside-jobs. However, a key break in the case last week has changed the dynamic of the investigation.
CSIS Special Agent Justin Bieber, Canada’s most accomplished and decorated spy, recovered an individual who claimed to have been involved in a cult responsible for these heists.This asset has identified the crimes as being the work of a cult led by Peter Mansbridge, who apparently pulls off his crimes by hypnotizing workers with his majestic baritone. "
Issues Facing the Committee[]
Primary concerns for the committee were as follows:
- Preventing Further Thefts. As long as these thefts continue, the Canadian poutine industry cannot properly operate, and the Canadian economy will suffer as a result. Poutine stocks are already down more almost 20%, and this could only get worse. A failing poutine industry will not only mean trouble for big business, but also for the thousands of gravy farmers across the country who make their living off of poutine. The committee MUST determine a way to prevent the threat of further robberies.
- Stopping Mansbridge’s Plan. Mansbridge is not the type to be content with simple theft, and sources suggest that he has something much bigger planned involving all of this poutine. Rumours are that he intends to encase the entire city of Ottawa in gravy. The committee must figure out a way to prevent this tragedy from occurring.
- Dealing with Peter Mansbridge. Why did Peter Mansbridge cross over to the dark side? Can he brought back, or is it too late? How can we capture him, and what punishment, if any, should he be be given? These are all issues that the committee must deal with.
Outcomes[]
The Committee pursued a carefully crafted plan to capture Mansbridge and see him safely taken to stand trial. Believing that the only issue facing the retired newscaster was an excess of free time on his hands, the courts sentenced him to volunteer work helping to train the next generation of newscasters.